


Monsters

by sassy_pelican



Series: Bucky Barnes One-Shots [21]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27446560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassy_pelican/pseuds/sassy_pelican
Summary: Bucky and reader discover that all of them loves all of the other.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: Bucky Barnes One-Shots [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149938
Kudos: 22





	Monsters

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader  
> Premise: Bucky and reader discover that all of them loves all of the other.  
> Warnings: language, fluff (only a bit), angst (its more just hard feels), smut - non explicit, (the holy trinity of fanfic), kinda rough sex but with lots of feeling? Choking (very mild), um … I think that’s it? I’m trying to get better at warnings and labels so please tell me if I should add more.  
> A/N: This is based off the song Monster In Me by Little Mix (lyric video) and I definitely think you should give it a listen. The lyrics really helped create the vibe for this. Anyway, I am having serious writers block (much to my Kinktober challenge’s dismay, since it’s November and I never finished it, whoops).  
> Also if anyone writes something with Bucky based on this song, I’d love to be tagged in it. I would love to know other interpretations of this with Bucky. It just screams Bucky to me. I’m saying Bucky too much.  
> This is unedited and all done in about an hour.

It wasn’t that you and Bucky weren’t perfect together, far from it. The two of you meshed so well that it was sickening to some people - mainly Sam who had to put it up with the most. It just always felt like you were holding back, and he was too. 

Despite the obvious love that was clearly written in everything you did, in everything Bucky did, neither of you dared to act on it. Both of you had your demons, and demons always showed their face. 

Bucky was fearful of hurting you, and you him. Evenly matched in every aspect was the best way to describe you and him. Every day you both put on a brave face, showed the world the side of you they wanted and shut the hollow part of you that haunted you at night away, until the stars and moon became the demons only witness. 

The nightmares weren’t silent demons, no, they screamed and cried and hurt in the worst ways. You longed for it to hurt in other ways, better ways. 

~~~

This mission had gotten to the core of both your demons. Your eyes found the room at the same time, silently staying on the chair, the braces, the pure pain without a sound and smell until Sam and Nat pulled you both out of the warehouse, all the way home, mere shells of what you were at the start of the day.

It was a bitter memory, one that both of you relieved over and over every day with inadequate skills to fight. 

Bucky pulled off his gloves in silence, such a loud sound for nothing at all. You in turn removed your tac belt in an equally silent manner. Neither one of you needed to speak to know the horrors that were playing behind the screen of your eyes. You saw yourself removing the physical evidence of the mission yet the mental parts lingered. 

Normally the two of you would share a shower, never to speak of it until the next, and fall asleep curled up in the warmth of one another. Tonight every breath felt like nails in your lungs. Every second where normalcy is expected felt like fire in your veins. 

“Bucky,” you whisper, pleading. 

“I can’t,” he doesn't say anything else before rushing out the door. 

You wanted to call out to him, to beg him to come back, to not let you crumble alone but no words came out. Harder than before the darkness of your past, the demons that dare not speak in the daylight, start screaming. And you need it. You need him. 

Your feet are moving before your mind fully catches up. Clothes are stripped along the way, leaving a trail of evidence for anyone to find. Yet you don’t care. All rationality is gone, only primal need to rid yourself of the hurt. 

Bare by the time you step into his bathroom you are all steel and flame as you rip open the shower, and he doesn’t even look at you. He can feel the shift in the air though. The energy surrounding you isn’t calm and timid like normal it is hot and icy in intent. 

“Y/N,” he starts, turning to you long enough to be shoved to the back of the shower, under the spray of the shower, scalding in temperature but you don’t care. You crave the feeling, crave the jolting heat to pull you out of the abyss. 

Lips attach to his in fury, teeth nipping at his lips before he comprehends what’s going on. Yet somehow he knows, he knows what you need. 

His normally soft touches are lit with passion instead of longing. He holds you with lust instead of love. Tenderness leaves each of you with each breath taken between tongue filled kisses. Bodies pressed against each other, water scorching skin with each movement, you grab at him anywhere you can. 

“Y/N,” he moans, lifting you up against him, pulling you against him. You bite on his shoulder, hard enough that you taste blood and both of you only sink into one another. 

He pushes past your resistance with ease, the slight burning only spurring you on. Bucky lifts his gaze to yours, his once blue eyes all but black with lust. His hands slam yours against the wall above your head, pinning them with ease that you allow.

Each thrust sends you up the wall, the groans, the moans, the screams, all filling the room in a rhythm only you two know. You feel his flesh hand grab you around the throat and you groan. 

“More,” you gasp, leaning into his touch. 

He moans into your chest as he continues to thrust, trying to reach that peak that seems impossible. Yet you both seem to near it. The closer you each get to that high only you can give one another the rougher it gets. Kisses become all teeth and tongue, hands hold with a bruising grip, nails dig into skin. 

With a shout he collapses onto you, and that heavy pressure is enough. A scream and you slide down the wall, boneless and limp. 

The reprieve from the demons doesn’t last. You can feel them creeping back, can see Bucky’s eyes return to their haunted blue-grey. 

“I could’ve hurt you,” he mutters. 

“Yes,” you reply. Lying to him will get you nowhere. “And I could’ve hurt you but we didnt.” 

“Why?” he asks. You know he isn’t about hurting one another, no, he’s asking about everything. 

You can’t answer him. Not when you don’t even know the answer yourself. “I don’t know.” 

Neither of you move from your spot on the shower floor until the water turns icy and it reminds you too much of before, of when it all hurt for the wrong reasons. 

Standing outside the shower, wrapped in a towel, staring in the mirror you turn to him. Much more tender than before you pull him down into you. Lips meeting in anything but fury and need. 

You can feel your soul snap into place, like it came home. His hands cup your waist as he slowly, tenderly returns the kiss. “Y/N,” he says. 

“Bucky.”

“What are we doing?”

You press your forehead against his, waiting for the words to come to you, waiting for the right moment. “We’re loving each other.”

“I don’t deserve your love,” he mutters. 

“I probably don’t deserve yours either Bucky,” you reply. “We both have done terrible things, and yet here we are.”

“Y/N,” he interrupts but you press a finger to his lips. 

“We are Y/N and Bucky,” you say. “But we both have demons, have monsters that will always be there, always lurk in the dark. Nothing will change that.

“And I will love you anyway. I will love every part of you.”

He kisses you, cheeks wet with fresh tears and it isn’t until he wipes yours that you realize you shed one. 

“I love every part of you too, even the darkest corners.”

“Even the darkest corners.”

~~~

Nat notices the marks before anyone else. “You get in a fight?” she asks, spooning cereal into her mouth. 

“No.”

She sees Bucky then, the same marks adorning him. Smirking to herself she doesn’t say anything else. Yet she barely holds back a smile when Y/N pecks his cheek before he retreats back to his room with his own breakfast. 

“You and Barnes?”

“Yes.”

“Anything special or just a spur of the moment thing?”

“Both.”

She cocks her head. “How so?”

“We know the darkest parts of each other and still come back for more. Yet never before was it like that.”

“I see.” Nat says, and she did. She saw the love in both their eyes long before either of them did, and she still sees it now. 

~~~

Bucky pulls Y/N to his side when she joins back in his room. “Nat say anything?”

“Of course,” you reply. 

“What did you say?”

“The truth.”

“And what’s that?” he asks, kissing the top of your head. 

“That we love every part of one another.”

_ “The monster in me loves the monster in you." _


End file.
